


rain clouds linger (but the sun shines through)

by orphan_account



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Healthy Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23270401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Alec has some unhealthy coping mechanisms that he can't get over.
Relationships: Paul Coates/Alec Hardy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	rain clouds linger (but the sun shines through)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gayrightsalec](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayrightsalec/gifts).



> s' my friend EJ's birthday so I wrote him this a small gift.

He didn’t make it a routine to go outside unless he needed too, it was either too hot or too cold and it was made even worse after his heart had stopped working properly. He didn’t miss the outside per se but it hurt when he had to see the look on Ellie’s face when he said he didn’t want to go to the pub. It hurt even more when Paul had asked after their second date if he wanted to walk with him. When he had tentatively said no, the crestfallen expression had made him want to sacrifice the shivering and continued days of aches and pains just to never see that look on his face again.

Eventually Paul had understood that Alec didn’t like the outside and something wasn’t wrong with him. And the detective thinks that’s what made him fall in love with him, the way that the vicar never asked questions that he knew would make Alec shut down. He had a delicate touch that almost everyone in his life had lacked, didn’t push when he felt he didn’t have to and loved him for who he was. The vicar had seen through the abrasive and rude mask he had put on after Sandbrook and somehow fallen for a broken man like him. He would never understand it. 

At times though, the detective felt like he needed to be too cold, to numb a part of him that he needed to not feel for a few hours. It was convenient for him that his house was on the water, the cold draft that came in had always made him need to have extra blankets but now he was thankful for it. 

He woke up early, early enough that the sun hadn’t even risen and it was still dark out. He had jolted awake when the nightmare had started, soon enough that his whimpering and gasps wouldn’t wake up the man sleeping next to him. He slid out from under the sheets, shuffling towards the small kitchenette adjacent to the living room, goosebumps appearing over his body when the cold air hit his skin. The detective looked at the doorway leading back to their shared room and the sliding door that led outside onto his small section of the pier.  
Alec grimaced as he walked towards the glass doors, but when he opened them he tensed as the cold air washed over him. He stepped onto the cool stone gingerly feeling himself calm down and the numbness form inside of him. The detective shuffled forward and lowered himself into the seat on the edge of the water, staring out at the sea that looked as black as oil. His teeth started to chatter, but not for long, and the numbness began to spread. He couldn’t feel anything as he sat there, as he stared ahead until the sun had risen in the sky and dappled light shone across him. 

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, numb, but it’s late morning when he feels a hand brush his shoulder lightly. He glances to the side with a vacant expression and sees Paul crouching down beside him a worried expression on his face. 

“Love, are you ok?” He hears, though it sounds like it has been muffled by something, like there’s wool in his ears. 

He feels the vicar shake his shoulder softly and he wants to say something but he can’t form words, it’s like they're stuck in his throat. He sees Paul’s breathing pick up and his eyebrows furrow and he grabs Alec from under his arm and hoists him up so he’s leaning on his shoulder. The detective manages to stumble along with him until they get inside the house and his knees buckle. It felt like the air is burning him; it’s fire against his skin and he wants to snuff and stomp out the fire but he can’t get himself to move his arms more than a twitch. 

Alec scowls when he’s set down on the bed and blankets wrapped around him as he starts to shiver. Paul sits next to him wrapping his arms around him and the once blazing fire is now just coals and barely there embers as his jaw clenches and his shivering strengthens. He loses track of time for how long he and Paul stay like that, exhaust taking over his body like a sweeping wave. His head lolls to the side and his eyes close as he finds himself feeling sleep take over his senses, but before he can drift away he jolts awake as Paul shifts and moves to kneel down in front of him. The blankets slide off his body so that they pool around his hips, he looks down at the vicar and he swallows convulsively in nervousness. 

“Alec, why were you out there? Your skin was ice cold and you didn’t respond when I tried to talk to you?” Paul asks and Alec grimaces, it wasn’t normal for Paul to say his first name and he knew the only way to make it up to him would be to explain. 

“I…” He swallows again, his throat feeling like it was made of cotton. 

“I had a nightmare, a-and when you weren’t around I would go sit outside, the cold th-the numbness I felt distracted me until I felt okay…” He says, stumbling over a few of the words as he looks into Paul’s eyes, and even though he knew that Paul wasn’t like Tess he was getting ready for the palm against his face or scathing words. 

“Why didn’t you wake me up love, you know that I’m fine with it?” He asks softly. Alec shuts his eyes and turns away when he sees Paul raise his hand to cup his cheek. Paul’s movement stutters and he frowns and drops his hand to the mattress, he had a sickening idea as to why Alec had just flinched away from his touch, a reason he knew all too well. But that was a conversation that he knew would not go over well on any day, especially this one. 

“I’m sorry I just thought... I could handle it and I didn’t want to wake you up even though you said it was okay. I felt horrible even thinking about it.” He says quietly, his eyes looking past Paul as if he’s remembering a vague memory, his hands shaking from where they’re curled tightly in the blanket. 

“Alec. You don’t have to feel bad or nervous, I get nightmares too you know this, I will never get mad at you for something like this, ever.” The vicar responds seriously before leaning forward and wrapping his arms around the other man, who stiffens for less than a second before loosening and hugging him back tightly. 

“Now how about both of us come back to bed. I won’t leave unless I need to and you need to get some rest, love.” Paul says kindly, and Alec nods shyly and the vicar leans up to lay soft kisses on the detective’s lips, the two of them smiling.


End file.
